Boy Bites Bike

I'm being dogged by the press about this earth-shattering story of winning a bike. So, I held a press conference earlier today and my press aide, lawyer, and I fielded questions. Here are some snippets:

You seem to be portraying yourself as a simple boy with a bike. Isn't true, however, that you're a former bike messenger?

Uh, yeah, that's true. I was a bike messenger for two years in Boston, trying to earn money for college. It was the best job I ever had.

And you didn't wear a helmet then. What changed?

I was hard-headed back then, so all I needed was a pink Trek bicycle hat. I'm now approaching 40 and my brain is a lot mushier, needing more protection. I still have that hat, though.

What does your son think about all this?

I explained it all to him and he asked if he could have another treat. Actually, he thinks he can commute with me, but we'll see.

Umm, in addition to being a bike messenger, isn't it also true you rode in a 24 hour bicycle race while you were a teenager?

Man, how do you guys know this? Yeah, when I was twelve or so I picked up my blue Schwinn and headed over to Utica Square in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where I grew up. It wasn't exactly a race--more like a 24 hour ride. So, I rode that Schwinn for 24 yours, piling up more than 230 miles. There were all sorts of serious riders there and when I ended up third overall--because I was one of the few people who actually rode all night--folks thought I cheated. So, they nearly took away my medal before my dad intervened. I guess I didn't look the part--no bike shorts or shirt, on a beat up and out-of-date ten-speed, tennis shoes, just a pesky kid. I was like a twelve-year-old version of Dave Stoller, one of the cutters in the movie Breaking Away. But I ended up getting that medal.