Yes, Mom, Those Are My Nipples Bleeding

If you know me, you know that I'm running the Twin Cities Marathon tomorrow. I'm in full prep mode, having secured the computer chip to my running shoe, purchased a new sleeveless Adidas running shirt, fixed my shorts, tried it all on, and gone through all the goodies in the goody bag you get from the marathon folks. To wit, there's Udderly Smooth Hand & Body Lotion, some berry flavored liquid vitamin supplement called 5-hour Energy, a sample of Tide with Febreze, Earth's Promise green thingy that I can't even figure out (some sort of greenish supplement), Thai Kitchen Garlic & Vegetable Instant Noodles, Listerine Pocket Paks, chapstick, a foot magnet, and a beer cooler advertising the Fargo Marathon ("26.2 miles . . . Uff Da!").

I'm set. Except I nearly had a conniption when I couldn't find the little round Band-Aids that I need to, err, cover my nipples. Yes, I am a bloody nipple guy. If I run more than 12 miles or so without a Band-Aid cover, I advertise my chafed pilor erectia with a trail of blood down my shirt. So, I was a bit freaky when I couldn't find the Band-Aids. I guess I could buy NipGuards, whose somewhat nonsensical slogan is "For the Pain You Don't Have to Run Through." But I don't have the time to order and receive the $8.95 ten-pack. I was impressed with its website and dedication to the cause, including a very handy instructions page with photos on just how to peel off the adhesive backing and "clear away hair and attach NipGuard directly on to nipple." And, if you so desire and love the product so much and want to go beyond providing a testimonial for the website, the NipGuards logo t-shirt is now in stock and ready to order! Seriously.

I found the band-aids. Wish me luck.