Monday, June 27, 2005

Mouse Tells Cat to Shove It

I dropped Max off at his mom's house a little before 9:00 tonight, around the tail end of the rain and wind storm that swept through here. I had my bike in the back of the pickup truck and my raincoat. So, I said to hell with it and rode the 12 miles home. It was pretty dang cool. Few cars, smooth trails and roads, and a tail wind to push me along. The only thing that creeped me out was the cracks of lightning every now and then that spread across the sky. And, the irony of this dumb little mouse telling the cat to shove it? I was protected in the darkness by a cool little gizmo known as a Cat Eye.

Почему он Вам понравится

I've been the lucky recipient of hundreds of Russian e-mails, or Russian Spam, at a rate of about five a day. At first it was really annoying, as I don't know how to battle it. I can't really use a filter to filter it out because the filter can't use Cyrillic characters. And I really don't know the common Russian spam words, or any Russian at that.

So, I've given up, and I translate it now and then just to see what I'm being offered. Turns out it's as prosaic as a collapsible stool. In fact, the title of this blog entry ("Why it is pleasant to you") is from the e-mail that offers me the collapsible stool. The e-mail advises me:
Order a collapsible stool of all for 299 roubles, cost of delivery across Moscow 99 roubles on ph.: (095) 585 77 14. Delivery within 5 working days.

It is easy at perenoske. Basic parts incorporate lipuchkoj and do not collapse at walking. Give a gift to the mum or the grandmother that they always could sit down in public transport.
I got another e-mail just a few minutes ago. I think I'll translate "Knock it off, already" into Russian (Пробейте это прочь, уже), send it, and see what happens.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Movie Deal Imminent

The roughly 15 seconds of fame I've received for winning a bike may be extended through a . . . movie deal. I got an e-mail this week inviting me to be part of a "TV show that features winners and their home video stories." I'm not so sure. They want me or a friend or family member to video tape me, presumably riding my bike and demonstrating my day to day biking adventure known as commuting.

I'll give it some thought.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Biking Honeymoon Over

Yeah, I woke up this morning, looked across the bed at my Giant Cypress LE and didn't think she was all that pretty anymore. The chain already needs a bit of cleaning, she's noisier than when I first got her, and I think it's time to take her into Penn Cycle for my free 90 day tune up. Over the weekend, I rode the bike a total of zippo minutes, sympolizing the depth of the post-honeymoon period. Ahh, the memories.

I do have the excuse of having Max with me most of the time--and we had fun, playing miniature golf, soccer, cars, camping out in the back yard on Friday night, and then putting his hand through the glass portion of a screen door yesterday. I think it was his best Mr. Incredible impression--and we had a trip to urgent care where they put some really cool superhuman glue on the deep cut, something called Dermabond. Now he questions why people don't have metal skin and get cut, or why they make doors without safety glass. With all the focus on skin, I did the next logical thing: I taught him the old standby grade school tease: "Your epidermis is showing, your epidermis is showing!" He misremembered it as your dermabond is showing, which is close enough.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

'On Your Left'

An occasional lefty look at the world

These days I cannot get an Ursala Le Guin short story out of my head. If you have not yet read "The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas," please do. It's a Hugo award winning short story and one of my favorites.

I've thought about it a lot recently. It came to mind when various news media reported that the number of millionnaires in the United States increased 21 percent in the last year, with those in the $5 million club increasing at an even greater rate (38 percent). This at a time when real wages for real people fell at the fastest rate since 1991.

Omelas is a utopian society. Its joy, happiness and abundance depends on the utter degradation of one child. As Le Guin writes:

In a basement under one of the beautiful public buildings of Omelas, or perhaps in the cellar of one of its spacious private homes, there is a room. It has one locked door, and no window. A little light seeps in dustily between cracks in the boards, secondhand from a cobwebbed window somewhere across the cellar. In one corner of the little room a couple of mops, with stiff, clotted, foul-smelling heads stand near a rusty bucket. The floor is dirt, a little damp to the touch, as cellar dirt usually is. The room is about three paces long and two wide: a mere broom closet or disused tool room. In the room a child is sitting. It could be a boy or a girl. It looks about six, but actually is nearly ten. It is feeble-minded. Perhaps it was born defective, or perhaps it has become imbecile through fear, malnutrition, and neglect. It picks its nose and occasionally fumbles vaguely with its toes or genitals, as it sits hunched in the corner farthest from the bucket and the two mops. It is afraid of the mops. It finds them horrible. It shuts its eyes, but it knows the mops are still standing there; and the door is locked; and nobody will come. The door is always locked; and nobody ever comes, except that sometimes--the child has no understanding of time or interval--sometimes the door rattles terribly and opens, and a person, or several people, are there. One of them may come in and kick the child to make it stand up. The others never come close, but peer in at it with frightened, disgusted eyes. The food bowl and the water jug are hastily filled, the door is locked, the eyes disappear. The people at the door never say anything, but the child, who has not always lived in the tool room, and can remember sunlight and its mother's voice, sometimes speaks. "I will be good," it says. "Please let me out. I will be good!" They never answer. The child used to scream for help at night, and cry a good deal, but now it only makes a kind of whining, "eh-haa, eh-haa," and it speaks less and less often. It is so thin there are no calves to its legs; its belly protrudes; it lives on a half-bowl of corn meal and grease a day. It is naked. Its buttocks and thighs are a mass of festered sores, as it sits in its own excrement continually.

They all know it is there, all the people of Omelas. Some of them have come to see it, others are content merely to know it is there. They all know that it has to be there. Some of them understand why, and some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty of their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers of their skies, depend wholly on this child's abominable misery.

Although you should read the complete story, there are those in Omelas who cannot accept the child's complete abandonment and abuse. They are the ones who walk away from Omelas.

While on my bike in the last few weeks, I've been unable to shake the notion that many people in our society live in a relative bounty of Omelas, yet do not understand that their joy depends on the misery of others. They do not walk away from Omelas--rather, they embrace their bounty and revel in how it is justified. And, then, in a fit of absolute dejection, I wonder if they are right.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Ask the Amateur: 2

Hey, Amateur:

Dude, I'm a Ninja Biker. Like I have a black bike, black spray-painted reflectors, and use some wicked stuff that makes my bike go quiet when I ride at night. Even my next door neighbor [who is a complete nut case and lives right across the street from Vine Park Brewing Company at West Seventh and Canton-- that's the odd side, not the even side], well, he can't hear me at all. Cool, huh? I was wondering if I get caught (like that's even remotely possible) anything bad could happen to me.

Ninja Biker

Dear Ninja:

Ninja, by itself, is perfectly legal. You'd have to add something else to be criminal, or what lawyers commonly call "Ninja Plus." Like Ninja Plus Murder or Ninja Plus Disorderly Conduct. Unfortunately for you, we'd call your scenario Ninja Plus Misdemeanor Unlawful Operation of a Bicycle. Not only do you have to have working reflectors when you ride at night in Minnesota, you must also have a lamp that emits enough white light to be seen at least 500 feet away, as well as a red back reflector that reflects enough light to be seen from 100 to 600 feet away. If you want, Ninja, you can also comply with the law by using a rear light that emits a red flashing signal. Oh, and wear a helmet.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Cat Scores Big

Well, the cat lured me out of my mouse hole this morning, making me think I can get to Max's school and back without getting hit by rain. I made it there, and we then took the bus to school with my bike, but I got nailed on my ride back. While I like running in the rain, biking is a bit less fun, especially if you are rushing to get to a meeting and don't want to look like a skunk (or smell like one either).



I've also received some guff this week about not updating things more quickly. I double promise to get back here more often.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Bracket Madness

When you are on your bike, you run across some interesting signs. I came across this homemade one in Mendota the other day. Click it for a larger image so you can read the fine print.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Wind, My Great Nemesis, Returns

Back in the day--and it was way back in the day--I used to seriously curse the wind when I was riding my bike. On bad days, I'd wave my fist up in the air and yell "Goddamnit" as loud as I could, in pure rage. As in 'how dare you stop me cold in my tracks while my legs ache and I try to pedal through your power.' As in, how could you do this to me, the injustice of it all?

The rage has subsided, but not the wind. Yesterday, I left court late to get to a meeting with the minister at my church. No, I'm not getting married, divorced, christened, chastised, or baptised. I just have a pretty cool minister at a very liberal church, one that I started attending about two years ago. Anyway, I left court and was already late, hopping on my bike and hoping for prevailing west to east winds. I was out of luck and had to struggle hard against the wind the whole way. And, yes, I cursed that wind, cursed it hard. Which was fitting in the whole scheme of things, me on my bike, pouring sweat and cursing a power that I could not control, on my way to talk with the minister at my church about things that are peaceful and spiritual and beyond my control. I arrived a mess, with sweat soaking my back and up and over my shoulders where the backpack straps were. Wind, my great nemesis, had returned.